Beau and The Silence of The Lambs

Tewkesbury, River Avon

We've had to leave Evesham.

Since the episode of The Phantom Spaniel, I've developed a bit of a twitch when the hedge rustles, and I suffer from separation anxiety when I can't see my food-bowl.
Dad said that if we didn't move, then he'd have to take me to Harley Street..........My God!..they've even named a road after him!!!!

So, on the run again - another 3 days on the river and we've parked in a town where our river, going down, meets another river, also going down. I can't help but feel that one decent-sized river would have been better.

Anyway, the day after we arrived, Dad took me along the road to a place called The Ham. He said it was called that because, in the old days, they used to keep pigs on it;....but now............my word!...it's full of sheep, hundreds of them, as far as the eye can see.
Dad just said 'There you are boy, what do you think of that lot'........WHAT DO I THINK!!!!....
Listen, I've seen that telly program 'One Dog and His Man', they only use about half a dozen really old stunt sheep that have done a deal with the sheepdogs to go through a few fences and stuff, whilst some old guy, who has to lean on a stick, tries to whistle through his false teeth, and keeps shouting things like 'Awee!', and 'Lidoon!', and 'Coom Buy!'.

Now, I've got a rough idea what to do, but with this lot?........please....................

My Collie intuition told me not to look at the whole thing, but to break the problem down into bite-size-chunks, and deal with that.

So I spotted a group of about a dozen or so sheep that looked like they might like to play, so I crept forward and gave them 'The Collie Eye'.
This is where the inate power of the sheepdog is used to dominate and control the sheep in order to do his bidding. What normally happens to sheep given 'The Eye', is that one or two of them will give the alarm and they will attempt to run.........which means that 'The Chase' is on....

Except that these sheep didn't......
    
Didn't sound the alarm
            Didn't scatter to the four winds
                   Didn't stop eating grass
                            Didn't care less..........................

Barking, standing on tip-toe to look big, rolling on the ground whilst balancing an orange squeaky ball on the nose.....................nothing impressed these sheep.

Maybe Dad will learn to whistle, and get me some old 'TV Stunt Sheep' to play with for Christmas.....

XX Beau

Beau gives them 'The Eye'

Beau and The Phantom Spaniel

Evesham Marina, River Avon

The days of climbing ladders to go to bed are over.....After what seems an age, (only 5 days actually), Dad's bottom is now apparently sufficiently coated in black paint that it will not rust or leak for the next 4 years.......
Personally, I can't see the difference, but Mum says that she can when she looks at it from a certain angle!!

With things getting back to what I call normal, I've had a lot more time to relax and become attuned to my surroundings.
It was whilst I was 'attuning' on my day-bed, that I first thought I saw the rear-end of a Springer Spaniel disappearing through a hole in the hedge, near the front of the boat.
I didn't see it again that day, and put it down to a trick of the light.
However, the next day, there was a distinct rustling in the bushes, and though I admit that I wasn't at the peak of my alertness, I would have sworn that I saw the shape of a Spaniel, silhouetted against the fence.....but again, it didn't reappear; although on my excursions later in the day, I definitely caught the unmistakeable whiff of Spaniel near to one of my p-mail sites.

Nothing happened for a couple of days after that, so I naturally assumed that I had been mistaken, which, I guess is why I let my guard drop just a little.......because the following day, I almost, definitely, possibly, might have seen the Spaniel shape once more, outlined against the fence,... but this time I was ready....

                         Off the boat......head down......tail up.......nose in search mode...............
There was definitely something there......in the hedge, moving steadily and with great purpose.

So, into the 'Collie-crouch', head down, bum up, cunningly concealed behind a blade of grass...the perfect ambush position!!

It's all about stealth, cunning, and great patience you know.... You don't learn it; the Border Collie is born with it...at one with Nature, and Master of the waiting game........so I waited, and I waited...................

Being a master of the stealthy ambush, I am also quick to realise that if the trap is not sprung after an hour, then something has gone wrong.
Was the blade of grass too small, did my ears give it away, was the smell of 'eau-de-fox' dabbed under the collar a bit too much ???

Either way, it was getting late, and the Inner Dog needed to be fed, so it was a somewhat sad return to the boat, but with the prospect of tucking into the remains of my chicken and biscuit breakfast to cheer me up.
...............Except that when I got there, not a scrap remained...........

The bowl?....licked clean and sparkling like new.
The plastic floor mat?...ditto. 
Under the kitchen units?...pristine...........

How he'd got from Stratford I don't know, but Harley had been....had hoovered up....and was gone.........

xx Beau

I was never there!!

The art of concealment!!

Beau and People in High Places

Evesham Marina, River Avon

I've hardly got over the shock of taking 4 months to get to London and back when Dad said that we were off again!!
If I heard him right, he said that he had to get his bottom painted black this week, or it would go rusty and start letting water in. Apparently getting it painted once every 4 years is sufficient to keep him watertight.

We left early in the morning, before even my mate Harley (the Springer Spaniel) had called into the boat to hoover up the last of my breakfast biscuits.
Despite our early departure, there were a couple of people about to wave us goodbye, which seemed a bit over-the-top when we were only going off to get Dad's bottom waterproofed.
There were loads more people around when we went under the bridge into town. This time they were pointing at me, taking loads of pictures and talking in strange languages.

After 3 long days on the river, I was getting really fed up, but finally we arrived at a big boat park which was so full that Dad had to park right under a huge rusty crane that didn't look too safe, so we all got off. It was just as well really, because no sooner had we stepped onto dry land when this huge machine burst into life, picked up my home, swung it right up into the air and dumped it on some concrete, right by the side of the river.

I decided then and there that the people in this boat park were crazy.....there we were, all standing on the grass and they've put the place where I live on blocks of wood so tall that we can't get back onto it!!!!

Where are we going to sleep?.
                                         How's Dad going to get his beer?,
                                                                                      HOW AM I GOING TO GET MY TEA???!!!....

Dad went to speak to the man that had picked up our boat, and I guess that he must have told him of my worries, because he came back with a huge set of steps, pushed them against the back of the boat and left, saying 'There you go'...                  THERE YOU GO!!!.......I'm a dog, not a rock-climber!!,
I don't know about stairs, I've never had to climb ten foot to get to my food-bowl before, and I don't think Dad's used to high altitudes either.

Naturally I thought that Dad was going to take me up the steps by carrying me, like he did when I was a young pup...but I was mistaken!!.....
Dad thought that because I go over jumps at Agility, that I would do the steps.....but he was mistaken!!

Mum, of course, as the most practical person in the family, came up with the answer....She simply said 'If you two don't stop faffing around and get onto the boat THERE WON'T BE ANY TEA!!'
So, putting our worries aside in the name of family harmony, and desparately in need of sustenance, we were soon up the steps and leaning over the back rail to look at the ground...many feet below, and got to wondering how, now that we are up...how do we get down???...
                       ...........and after all of this trauma, when and how are they going to paint Dad's bottom?? ...

Doubtless Mum will have an answer for that as well...

xx Beau