Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Beau Smells Trouble

Norbury Wharf, Shropshire Union Canal

There's a certain pattern to the start of my day....it's been honed to perfection during my time on the boat, and Dad hasn't been the easiest of people to train; but I'm getting there.

It's my duty to get everybody up and about,..... whether they want to or not.
If Dad pretends to be asleep, even though its gone 5:00 in the morning, then a lick on the elbow, or the foot will normally be enough to stir things up..- failing that, a cold wet nose applied to his anatomy will generally do the trick.

After I have breakfasted heartily on dried biscuits, mixed with low-priced, low-pork, low-taste sausages, it's time to leave the ship....or as Mum puts it, "Get him out from under my feet", ...I think that she's talking about Dad, but I'm not really sure.

Out on the Towpath, (so called because it's where dogs tow their owners along), and it's time to pick up my P-mail, leave replies and do a bit of waste-disposal.
Being well-trained, Dad always picks up behind me, predictably saying " Good grief Beau, what HAVE you been eating?"

I take the view, "Well, you're the one that fed it to me.....it's low-priced, low-pork, low-taste lookalike sausages...You know what they say, Rubbish in, Rubbish out, so what do you expect?"

At this point, we would normally return to the boat, but today, I was getting a sniff of something rather interesting a bit further up the track....something that had to be investigated.
Dad didn't really want to go any further, his mind was already on toast, peanut butter and a hot cup of tea on the boat, but such considerations are as nothing to the curious collie................

Dad called me, (I think), and started back to the boat. I adopted the cunning disguise of the half-deaf  sheepdog which has served me so well in the past, and carried on towards the distant, inviting smell.

When I got there, I have to admit, I couldn't really work out quite what it was. It certainly smelled nice, it was a greenish, yellowy, brown-black lump of stuff that reminded me of Dad's experiment with Curried Faggots..........

Dad was still heading back to the boat, so it was no use waiting for him to come and identify it....I didn't have anything to carry it back in, so what else could I do but smear a bit under my chin, round my ears, on my back and under my collar..........
Having made sure that I had a good sample, I ran back and caught up with Dad just as he got to the boat.

He looked at me, turned up his nose, and his eyes began to water......He grabbed me by the collar to stop me getting on the boat.......
"OH BEAU!!...What in heavens name have you rolled in!!!!"

I thought, " Well, now you've got it all over your hands, You tell me"..........

I don't think we've heard the last of this episode...

xx Beau

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